How to keep my private pool PRIVATE???

[farmgirl]

Need some advice. I have a co-worker who is REALLY pushy, rude, and accustomed to getting her own way at all costs. She keeps inviting herself to come over and use my pool. I let her come over once, while we were out of town, on the condition that she NOT bring guests, and that she add some chlorine to the pool while she was there. She brought guests, and said she did not want to add the chlorine because she was not "comfortable" doing that...even after I taught her the correct way to do it. I feel like she is simply using me, because i have the pool. I work for Social Services, and deal with people all week, and my husband and I like to have time alone together on the weekends. This girl is SO pushy, she caught me in the office earlier this week, and TOLD me she would be here today at 10 am to swim. I said: "Uhhhh.....noooooo.....we have things to do and i will CALL YOU when and IF it is convenient for you to come over. Quite honestly, I do not want her over here at all! She's OK, but we have nothing in common. (And I don't like her pushy personality!) The last time she was here, she even took the liberty of buying a pool float for herself, and storing it under my deck with the rest of MY pool stuff. LIKE SHE LIVES HERE! I just want my private time uninterrupted by this pushy woman. Any ideas as to how to get out of this situation tactfully??? I DO NOT like to hurt people's feelings.

[CarlD]

My mother always said "If you let yourself be a doormat then people will wipe their feet on you!"

It's up to you to say to her: "Hannah/Mary/Veronica, I'm really uncomfortable with you coming over without me inviting you and especially when I'm not there."

If she continues to be pushy, it's up to YOU to protect your home. "I'm sorry, but I must insist you only come to my house when I invite you. You violated my trust once bringing guests when I asked you not to, so you've lost the privilege of coming to my house uninvited."

What if one of HER guests was injured doing something they weren't supposed to? YOU would be liable.

She'll be ticked off, but face it--unless you are willing to be her doormat, ANYTHING you do to stop her will tick her off--she's that kind of person.

[badutahboy]

I agree with Carl...


Also... screw being tactful. She's not using tact when she tells you she'll be there at 10am saturday, so why should you be bound by any sense of etiquette... Lay down the law like she was your 4 year old kid.

Honestly, if you don't really like her anyway, is there really any harm in hurting her feelings?

[CarlD]

And put a lock on the gate to the pool area--and USE IT!

[Poconos]

If she's gonna be over at 10:00, jack the FC up to about 25 at 8:00 then leave for the day. You won't hurt her feelings, just he suit and maybe hair.
Al

[farmgirl]

Well, she never showed up and never called....YAY! THis is NOT the end of it, as I am sure she was just busy with somebody else this weekend. I have deflated her pool float and am going to return it to her at work. Keep the ideas coming, as I need all the help I can get. I HATE being put in these situations! Cannot believe how rude people are today, Were they never taught basic manners? Sheesh!

[CarlD]

Well, she never showed up and never called....YAY! THis is NOT the end of it, as I am sure she was just busy with somebody else this weekend. I have deflated her pool float and am going to return it to her at work. Keep the ideas coming, as I need all the help I can get. I HATE being put in these situations! Cannot believe how rude people are today, Were they never taught basic manners? Sheesh!

Silly question! Of course not. Look, how many people don't flush toilets in public restrooms. There's even a seen in a James Wood movie where he and a colleague are at a pair a urinals and the other guy doesn't flush...so he does and and say "Geez, be a menstch!" (Yiddish for mature grownup).

Common sense isn't common and common decency isn't common.

[mbar]

I don't know why you would feel bad telling her not to come over If she has the nerve to do what she did, then it should not hurt her feelings for you to tell her she is no longer able to use your pool. There are consequences to behavior - and she has to have a consequence for her insensitivity to your wishes. You are not being mean - you are the opposite - you are stopping her from taking advantage of you, and your kindness, and if enough people called her on her behavior maybe she would learn something and people would want to have her around. As it stands, I am sure many people run the other way when they see her coming.

[CarlD]

But of COURSE it will hurt her feelings! She'll get angry and nasty far beyond what is appropriate, and won't have the DECENCY to be properly embarrassed by it.

Tough. It's what she deserves. I have no sympathy.

[cleancloths]

If you can't speak up for yourself just tell her your husband does not want her over anymore.