How do you handle friends who... turn out to be pool moochers

[LuvTheBeach]

How do you handle friends who think your place is an all inclusive??? We cook out regularly and have one couple (close friends) who hardly contribute to the meal, like to drink our drinks..forget their towels at home etc etc....ugggggg! Its about to start affecting our friendship.

[Waldog]

Stop inviting them... start saying you are going out... or won't be home, etc. Once a mooch, always a mooch. And if you're not OK with basically cutting them off, and you still want their company... well, when they call or text asking to come over, tell them to bring something. If they do, great, if not, it's definitely time to cut them off.

[LuvTheBeach]

yeh...i always tell them to bring something and they bring minimal - Im going to start getting blunt.

[BigDave]

Maybe assign them chores? Clean the kitchen - "Phew, katie, I'm tired. Would you please load the dishwasher, take care of the pots and pans and wipe down the counters? Thanks, I need to sit down for a while" and "Bob, let me show you how our washer and dryer work. Sure do go through alot of towels when you have a pool. You know, it's great we're close enough that we can ask you to help out." and "Bob, Katie, great! your just in time. We're out of ice. The 7-11 is just down the street. I think four or five eight pound bags should fill the coolers."

I have learned that alot of people are willing and happy to pitch in but are completely clueless and need to be shown.

I don't actually know a Bob and Katie, so if you are Bob and Katie, don't be offended. I don't know you. I suppose I just figured out why nobody wants to come to my house anymore.

[Waldog]

Yeah sounds like a mooch! I have a "friend" who up and quit his job, starting coming around, eating my food, drinking my drinks... finally when this friend would text me about hanging out, I would just be like... nah... I have plans this weekend. Have to do XYZ. Not going to be home, whatever I could think of.

Can't deal with it. Don't want to be blunt because I hate to end the relationship that way. I'm hoping when the friend gets back on their feet things will change, or maybe get the hint because I'm always "busy".

LOL :D

[Waldog]

Maybe assign them chores? Clean the kitchen - "Phew, katie, I'm tired. Would you please load the dishwasher, take care of the pots and pans and wipe down the counters? Thanks, I need to sit down for a while" and "Bob, let me show you how our washer and dryer work. Sure do go through alot of towels when you have a pool. You know, it's great we're close enough that we can ask you to help out." and "Bob, Katie, great! your just in time. We're out of ice. The 7-11 is just down the street. I think four or five eight pound bags should fill the coolers."

I have learned that alot of people are willing and happy to pitch in but are completely clueless and need to be shown.

I don't actually know a Bob and Katie, so if you are Bob and Katie, don't be offended. I don't know you. I suppose I just figured out why nobody wants to come to my house anymore.

LOL!!!! That's awesome... For the most part, most people I know are pretty good about this. In fact they usually go overboard and leave stuff behind, which is always bad because it's just me and my significant other so usually we can't consume the party surplus. LOL I try to make them take stuff home but usually they won't.

It always seems the "moochy" ones want to come over often... I find myself hiding drinks or food... this is probably a bad sign. I have asked for favors though. The one friend trims trees and I did get him to help me with a few projects I needed on my property, so that's a plus.

But sometimes they just won't LEAVE and I wind up out of food and drink. My better half really gets annoyed. But my giving nature really does not let me get as upset as I probably should be.

LOL :D

[BigDave]

On the other hand, somtime you have to find a stick and scrape it off your shoe.

[Waldog]

On the other hand, somtime you have to find a stick and scrape it off your shoe.

True... might be time to stop answering the phone. LOL :D

[Big Splash]

My typical response to these types would be to say something like, "Hey guys, when are you gonna have a party at your place? Momma Splash and me would love to flop over with ya' at your crib all night long!!!"

Be sure to raid the fridge if you get invited :)

[Watermom]

You guys are cracking me up! :D

How about inviting them over and serving no food, no drinks, and have no clean towels available?

[Phillbo]

When I invite guest over I don't expect them to bring anything. I know what everyone drinks and make sure to have it on hand.

Same when I invite friends out on my boat.

[Themadczar]

I think this comes down to effective communication and setting clear boundaries... Not exactly skills with which most of us are very comfortable. We were very clear to friends and family that our home/pool were not an "open door". While we want to share and be hospitable, we also value our privacy and family-time. Furthermore, we told everyone that we could not afford to feed everyone and provide drinks all the time. We said that we expect everyone to pack food/snacks/drinks or bring something to share. So far we have had very few if any problems in this area. Setting expectations up front is key IMHO.
I think if we did have a problem I might send an email to "all our friends and family" explaining how costly it has become to provide food/drinks for everyone and what the expectations are going forward. I would put my own email address in the "To" field and all of the "offenders'" email addresses in the "bcc" field (even if there is only one person/family that I send it to, they won't know that. It will appear that it was sent to many people.)

[Pappy]

We go to a "potluck" get-together every couple of months. The host couple always tells newbees
1. Drinks are NOT part of the potluck fare, so BYO.
2. Bring at least enough to feed yourself. This doesn't mean you have to bring whole meal, but enough (chips, green bean casserole, pickled pig's feet) that you could trade a little of yours for a little of what others brought so you'd have a whole meal. Alternatively - if you want to just show up for the social stimulation and wish to not partake, feel free to come empty-handed.

Maybe you could modify that thought for your friends.

Good luck!

Pappy

[DennisP]

Yeah it is bad when the "cheap" friends start taking advantage... I have zero problem "helping" those that are truly "broke", but far too many times you take pity on those people just to find they are just stingy and greedy and wouldn't help anyone else, yet take advantage of everyone else when they themselves could do more. Had one "acquaintance" do that, just stop by (without being invited, his friends were, but not him), flop down, take advantage of the hospitality in food/drink/good times, yet never bring something to pass, no booze, etc... Hit a "sore spot" when he showed up once, with a take-out pizza and a cooler for himself and didn't offer anyone else anything. AT MY HOUSE!!! Again, totally uninvited, a ton of people over, etc... I had people asking me "what is HIS PROBLEM???" since it would so out of place. Kicker is, I just thought he was down on his luck, in a low-paying job, couldn't rub two nickels together... Till I found out about 8 months later that he BUYS A HOUSE!!! With like 40% down on it!!!

Yeah, he was just being a greedy stingy scumbag. I was really pissed since I would always "take care of him" in regards to buying drinks while out, etc, etc... Hell, he is the ONLY person I have ever known who didn't even have a house warming party after he bought the place. Yet he shows up to everyone else places when they have one... Sad, just really, really sad...

For most I could care less what they eat/drink since when I am at their homes it is the same way... But, yeah, it sucks when you get some leeches coming around to try to sponge off you all the time...

[LuvTheBeach]

I finally said something...hopefully it will be better now...

[PoolDoc]

This is an interesting topic that's relevant to many, many pool owners. But it's not something about which I have any expertise to offer.

However, I have edited the title to enable others to find it, and comment on it more easily.

. . . if you have an idea for a better (more descriptive, more searchable by Google) title, please let me know.

[CarlD]

My recently deceased mother used to say:"If you let yourself be a doormat, people WILL wipe their feet on you." IOW, you cannot be taken advantage of unless you let yourself be taken advantage of.

They sound like a couple of characters out of a Jane Austen novel!

Don't invite the moochers. If they show up uninvited, say "Sorry, we already have company" or "Sorry, but we have something to take care of that's a family matter."